we were on the floor, in a partial polarised hug. wanting desperately to hold each other but at the same time the touch burned. frustration, disappointment and heartache took form of tears because there were no words left to say. to watch him cry, a grown man cry, it is a special kind of heartache. but at the same time i felt lightness in the immense grief in this moment that would be seared permanently in memory for a lifetime. we knew it was the end. when we finally could look at each other, we knew. even if the words were left unsaid.