i find that when im faced with situations that are unfathomably out of my ways of adapting, here, there has emerged a pattern of how i handle stress. i remember when i faced a situation quite similar to this around mid last year, i would frequent clubs. dont get me wrong, i go there to drink in the ambience, dance myself tired and empty my heavy head. hedonistic? yes. good for the soul? my upbringing and conscious would beg to differ. i dont go there to pick up or be picked up. its unclassy and not my style. i prefer it too be in an atmosphere of romantic subterfuge. but every time when the night thins to first light and i reach home, my pockets would have a gaping hole as well as my heart and soul. empty. yet it went on for weeks in reprise. same fucking shit everyday, quick temporary thrills but infinitely empty afterwards. now ive turned to a solution which is more spiritual as well as intoxicating. immersing myself in intellectual architecture talks about bauhaus, nicholas claude ledoux, herzog de meuron, neues museum, david chipperfield or corbu. i dont really understand some deep concepts that are put up for analyzation or discussion. but it feels calming and peaceful, maybe due to the fact my brain works extra to process some of the design concepts and implementations leaving no room for other thoughts. intellectual exposures level 999 cures heartaches? seems legit.