Starkish's Blog

Just another weblog

i know i could have loved you more than. because you are.


i can pretend so hard that he did not take a piece of me with him.

i have lost sight of kindness, understanding, patience and empathy. where did it go?

i have lost sight of god. i have lost understanding of belief. what has happened?

i must work on myself again.

when bittersweet consciousness fuels you.

so delicate these emotions be.


i would like to hold on to 3 memories on outside observations of surprising honest random spontaneous unwarranted unfished unexpected comments made by other individuals towards myself.

  1. and that is why she is my idol. i really do look up to you.
  2. your idea of happiness is not selfish or wrong. the masses have it wrong.
  3. we were watching you in the water and you were so graceful and gentle, we wish we could surf like you.

all of these comments caught me by surprise, but number 3 did it for me. i was smiling inwardly so hard i thought my body would break.



if i could have the brightest stars and calm sea, sun light at dusk and soft rain, the silver lining of clouds and the morning air just before the dew dries. i would take it all and make it into a balm, for weary, tired hearts for the darkest of days they go through.

i was told, it is the kindest of hearts, words of grace, and feet that tread lightly are the ones soonest to be forgotten.

you are dusk. you take my breath away, and you disappear and leave me the velvet night and rainbow stars.

my biggest fear is that i will cease to believe in love, kindness, courage and honor. i hope that my belief grows as the universe does, vast and never ending. and that no matter how many rejections i face and if i am never found, i will still believe.

as much my heart wants you, i am glad i have a sound enough mind too not want you. but if you ever did want me, i would let go and let my heart run wild.